Something perosnal: on being bullied and living through it.

Before, when I was in the first grade, I was already labeled as one of those weird and "unspeakables" by my popular classmates, and well, at first it was no big deal for me. All I know those times is that I am weird therefore I am cool, unusual and different. Unfortunately, being labeled as such made other people judge my personality as someone who is irritable and I was feeling like everybody, even the teachers think I am this "she-who-must-not-be-befriended" because of this label. Come fourth to fifth grade, I got tired of this labeled me and I wanted to show everyone that I am a person, someone who can also get hurt and is hurting everytime I am teased.

The optimism really fades when you're growing up, and every single school day you face the same damn faces who have been tearing you down for around 5 years and counting. They say stuff about me like being too talkative, too silent, too much of a teacher's pet, although I never have received a really high grade. Hey, they are the ones who are in top in academics after all, it's just that I liked to study back then and there was too much curiosity in my mind that's why I talked to teachers often. They also say that I'm a social climber, although all I wanted was to be friends with them, and they're the ones who shunned me out.

I know that feeling, bro.

This continued on until high school, and this is because my parents did not me to enroll to another school because it was either that or a public school... Now, when most people say that high school is the best, for me it's just mehhh... nothing special, in fact it's one of those eras of my life that I wanted to forget, along with the rest of my grade school life. Looking back, I see that I had made only 4 real friends, and in high school the only friends I ever made was the ones who are nice enough to see me beyond the label, and unfortunately, when they befriended me, the whole batch suddenly did not talk or befriend them as much. To what I heard, they even went to the extent of saying that if they will continue to be friends with me, they're not gonna be talking to them anytime soon.

That was the bullying that I underwent during my earlier years.

College was a great time for me. I was freed of the misunderstood label, and finally people came talking to me. I have made and I am still making new friends, and my optimism was back on track. I had met wonderful people, and I was also freed of the connotation that all boys are jerks, since I am married to a real sweet and loving gentleman. In college, I saw myself and others saw me as any other girl who is nice and will do whatever it takes to make a friend in need happy. It is in college that I saw that even if everyone around me has torn me down, my value as a person has not changed. That everyone was always given another chance to search or redeem oneself, or seek for the beauty inside you that has been tainted by all those who tried to tear you down.

I have seen the power of labeling and being bullied first hand, and I see that this very experience is what molded my personality. I knew what it was like to be under the belt, and it definitely was not a nice feeling, and I guess because of this I became the overly helpful protector type of friend. Sometimes when I look back I wonder if had I not been labeled as someone who's crazy and should be ignored, would my personality and my outlook in life be the same...


I guess I just wanted to share my story to you all, and to let you realize that if life throws you tantrums and rocks and all those sh*t, remember that you or how you look on to your value as a person, should not be changed, or bended into what they think you should be. Because if that happened, then you will only hurt and not see all the potential of beauty that's waiting to flourish inside of you.

To prove my point, here's Ann Ward of America's Next Top model. She was bullied cause she looked weird, different and stood like a tower. All of those who stereotyped and misunderstood her never thought that she'd be this lovely cover model of different international fashion magazines. They never thought that she would soon be the one who will set the trends. See what I mean by the potential beauty waiting to flourish? :)

I hoped I helped someone out there.. :)
have a beautiful day! :)
nicole